Missing... but what?

"We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?"
-David Foster Wallace

This is something that I read once going through some quotes site. But this particular quote stayed in my heart. I guess it's 'coz I've felt this feeling. And I often do. Like missing someone I've never met, or missing something, but I can't explain what. I've tried to figure out what it is that I'm missing, some old times? or some old friends? But no. I know for sure that it's not anything or anyone I've ever known. Then, how can I miss it?

I know it doesn't sound logical. But, well, all facts needn't be logical, right? And it's never permanent. It's only for a while. And whenever I feel this, I feel like going for a walk, somewhere nice. Somewhere, there is lots of greenery, maybe under a canopy of trees, a long road, with scarce traffic. Oh, I'd love to go for a walk in some place like that, all by myself. But I never get to do that. I've never found any such place in Bangalore. And then something or other comes up and I get busy, and no time to miss this unknown. :) I forget the feeling itself. Or, maybe, I only push it aside. And maybe, that's why it comes up again. Wish I could find out exactly what it is that I'm missing...

Rain... Mazha... Malai... Maley... Varsham...

Today I woke up even before my alarm went off. I woke up to the sound of rain. It was so much more pleasing than the alarm sound. I generally hate it when I wake up before my alarm goes off, 'coz I just love sleeping. Today, I lay in bed, without opening my eyes, visualizing the wet trees, wet roads, wet buildings, all washed clean. And the water dripping from the tip of the leaves. As I had kept the windows open, I could feel the cool breeze and it brought with it the smell of rain. Ah... I just love that smell..!

That smell took me straight back to my childhood. There was a kind of plant that, after a rain, held water around the tip of its stem, in a slightly jellyish form. In school, when we were in the lower classes, during break, we used to go out and search for this among the grass and bushes, and used to put it in our eyes. It was very cooling and really felt good. Kids used to say all sorts of stories about it. Some said it was bad for the eyes and that you would go blind. Some said it was very good and would improve your vision. I remember going to my father and clarifying these doubts. And then peacefully going outside walking among the trees and grass around our house, collecting these and putting in my eyes, without having to race with other kids. It was nice. :)

I really enjoyed the time I spent with myself. Or rather, the time I spent with nature. And I so miss it. Now, when I look out my window, it's the tar roads, concrete buidings and electric posts. And they are all drenched in rain. Still, its a sad sight, without some greenery.

Why do we do the things that we do?

Yes, exactly that is my question! Why do we do the things that we do? I know, when it comes to work, we do it for a living or to earn money. But, is it something we like doing. Ok, to all those who love their work, go ahead, continue with your work. But all others, why do you do this work, and not something else? And, apart from our work, which pays us, there are lots of other things that we do, which I just wonder why we do. Like, for example, reading the newspaper. Why do people actually read the newspaper? How does it matter what some other country is doing, or who won in some sports, or for that matter, most of what the politicians say? They mostly say something and do something else, so how does it matter. And other things, like going to some party, when you are not in a mood for partying, or when it's some party where you know only the host and no one else and you're sure you're gonna get bored, or even worse, just because host is a relative, whom you don't even like. I know why most of us go, because of social obligations. But why do we have to bother about that? I'm not saying I don't do these things, I do, but I do them only when the other option upsets someone important to me. I'm just wondering, why do we have these social obligations, or social norms.

Well, I know that we can go against these social norms. I've seen such people. And generally they are called weirdos. Isn't it ironic, that those who do what they like to do are called "weirdos" and those who do the things that they don't like to do, just because they want to go by all the rules of the society are called normal people?

I know some people who just do what they like. They just do what they like, (without troubling or creating problems for anyone else). They don't bother about what others might think or say about them. They might sing loudly while walking on the road, if they feel like it. Or just sit and read a book or listen to music if they feel like it, even if they are with somebody else. And they are generally happy, because they don't have to keep complaining about the things that they are forced to do. Because they don't do anything if they don't want to do it. But they are generally very genuine people. So, they never talk behind anyone's back. Whatever they have to say, they say it right on the face, to the concerned person, not to other people. Why are they called weirdos? They are the ones who are normal. I like being with such people. It's when I'm with such people that I'm most comfortable. That's when I don't have to think twice before doing whatever I like doing, 'coz they accept me as I am and don't expect me to behave differently for their sake. Wish I had to deal with only such people. That would definitely make sense of why I do what I do. Thank God, most of my friends belong to this category. :)